a Bowl full of Thoughts
The best kinds of friends are the ones you find in hard times... No, I don't mean the new friends that come around, I mean the ones that stay in the hard times, that help you through them without getting lost in the problem; or the ones that appear out of nowhere to help you because they see something or you make them feel safe, happy, etc.
A friend is not a loser that drags you down, it is a fighter that pushes you towards the next thing.
Me and a friend were sitting down on a sidewalk after a funeral of a VERY important person to us. We were just silently supporting each other as thoughts came and went. Both with salty cheeks from the tears that had recently stopped, both thinking about how life feels long, until it's not, how we wished to have shared more moments with our amazing and now passed away friend.
And in that moment, he sat up straight and as he patted my back:
- "we are still young... We have time to try out what we are good and bad at so that by the time we're 30 we can fix everything up and succeed knowing who we are and what we want."
- "people get all kinds of crazy in their quest for short term wins, when you can cultivate YOU first and get results ten-fold later thanks to patience and self-awareness"
- "today life feels so short though..."
- "yeah, but tomorrow it might feel long and heavy again and it all goes back to normal"
We both wished we had our dreams come true with a short cut without saying anything out loud...
- "Nah!" we said at the same time at each other and laughed
- "you're right, the part we will tell your daughter as night time stories and awesome super-dad stories are the journey, not the goal"
- "she'll laugh at how losers we were, the stupid mistakes we made and wonder why we did not try any shortcuts"
- "she already thinks we're losers, what she will wonder is how the hell I am her dad and made it"
He handed me a water bottle to alleviate the pain of death we had fresh in our hearts. Silence found its way back into our conversation but not into our thoughts. The fact we had lost someone provided a level of perspective that does not happen often, and we finally stood up having said nothing and everything to each other. Having lifted each other up through that awful loss.
Life is long enough and people are impatient, nervous, afraid, careful, angrily racing towards a goal they don't know through a path they think they know, with people who are in the same unknown as them. I have lived through enough rough losses and great blessings to know that we don't know enough about ourselves and are learning everyday. I still don't know why people expect people to run through life without enjoying the road, finish studying by 20, get an "important job" by 25, married whenever after that and have kids that will rush though life...
And I am tired of people telling me what to and how to... I will take my time, accumulate losses and wins, get to know myself, support the people I love... And by the time I have fell enough, know what I am the best and what I definitely need help with... I will tell my daughter stories that will inspire her to enjoy the ride because my friends, my true friends (both the ones alive and passed away) have taught me to live like you will die tomorrow... BUT dream and learn like you will live forever.
