TRY
They say loneliness is a beautiful place to go
to, but a horrible place to live in; and dark days are only there for light
ones to shine brighter. It is a child’s rationale to think that the best part
of a relationship is the Disney-falling-in-love-part of it all. Because when
you find THE ONE, you will definitely live happily ever after.
There are hard days… I won’t lie… days where you look at social media and think to
yourself “maybe I should just be out there looking for fun and nothing else”. But
let me tell you about the other ones the majority ones. The days you NEVER want
to end… The ones where you get a hold of her small details, the things she
either does not share or just people over look. The fake smile vs. the real
one; the dimples and the wrinkles of her face when she looks at you.
Those people out there in the social media world,
they are showing you and themselves a version that they wish SOMEONE will love.
They are looking for what I already
have. I know because I am smiling as I write this with my head on her lap.
Finding love is 15% about the Disney fallinf in
love part, 25% about the “formalities” (going form nothing to in-a-relationship
or from boyfriend and girlfriend to husband and wife) and 60% working on the
relationship… Don’t take it from me, I know nothing to very little about a
life-time successful relationship; take it from a 55year old marriage mother of
9 who taught me that love is not a normal variable.
Love is more like a spiritual practice that
requires you to leave your rationale apart and not try to quantify and predict
it… Love is not a variable, it’s more like a practice of faith… It changes,
evolves, matures, adapts. So I will tell you what that very wise old beautiful
grandmother told me for many an afternoon and evening when we sat together to
talk about the craziest subject of all: growing old.
In the beginning, you love what the person can
be, the unknown becomes the mysterious and you project onto her all the crazy
stereotypes you have grown to believe.
Then you get to know each other, you realize
she does not like the same exact things you do and the weird part is: That Is
OK. You learn things from each other and start to fill the void in between the
things that you and her are passionate about and she is not and vice versa.
Then come the formalities. Your families and
friends start to meet her and ask, some will like her more than others, and yet
all you care is that she is happy with the people you are. Disagreeing and
arguing test the both of you everyday. And HERE is where the true test comes…
Don’t marry the one you don’t fight with, NEVER marry the one that does not
fight back… Marry the one that you want to fight with… Let that part sink in
for a minute.
Once you become a family and a home you love
what you have built with her. The effort that both have put into this ritual of
seeing each other every so often and taking for granted that life is and always
has been with her. Love her because she is always there for you when you forget
that she does not have to.
And finally, the relationship comes full circle
to the two of you. If you had kids, they will have left; your families will
spread apart as they progress and you now love that you have someone there with
you to enjoy whatever final stretch life gives you. It is the fear of leaving
them behind instead of the fear of dying that makes you hold to them dearly, so
you do. When at first you used to talk about what could be, now you laugh and
smile about all that has been. You become more than in love… You become
grateful.
I just want you to have that knowledge that she
gave me because when you get to where I am, when you feel afraid of moving with
a person instead of past her… You will need something to accompany your thoughts
of fear and turn them into courage. This entry might not be that, but at least
I tried, and that is all I ask from you:
Don’t be afraid TO TRY
